Website Sales Spiel

Started by P_Outen, September 14, 2009, 08:20:41 PM

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P_Outen

I often spend my time at work re-writing product descriptions and sales messages for our website, and understand how difficult some people find this.

As such i was playing with some wording after looking at YvonneH's website and thought i would post it on here for peoples consideration.

Balloon Modelling is ideal entertainment for children of all ages* see their faces light up as our experienced twisters convert shapeless latex into models and sculptures as vibrant in colour as your child's own imagination; watch amazed as your child becomes a pirate, a princess, or the keeper of their very own balloon pet right before your very eyes.

Please note, children are very accustomed to seeing balloon swords, and other balloon weapons, but here at (Company Name) we understand that some parents consider these to be inappropriate. As such, if you would prefer these models were not made at your event we are happy to oblige.  

*(Company Name) are interested in your child's safety at all times, and therefore advise that balloon models are not handed to children under 2 years of age. For these children (Company Name) are happy to supply (insert whatever here).


Any ideas or suggestions welcome, this isnt for any particular purpose or website, but might give some people ideas.

Pete

Graham Lee

#1
Where you say shapeles latex, how about shapeless tubes of latex.
"Lets Improve Our Art"
Balloon Excellence 2012 Award Winner
For Services to the Balloon Community.
https://www.balloonartwholesale.co.uk
http://www.sempertexballoons.co.uk

P_Outen

#2
Wouldn't 'tube' imply a shape?  :D

How about 'these simple tubes of latex' ?

But then is tube the best word...

See its not easy lol

Pete

PS, have been trying to think of something similar for our other uses in other sectors not just Childrens Parties, anyone got any ideas?

Graham Lee

#3
How about,
Straight cylindrical tubes of latex will be turned before your very eyes into absolutely delectable shapes that will be beyond compare.

Sounds a bit like the good old days to me  :D
"Lets Improve Our Art"
Balloon Excellence 2012 Award Winner
For Services to the Balloon Community.
https://www.balloonartwholesale.co.uk
http://www.sempertexballoons.co.uk

Fuzzy

#4
Quotenot handed to children under 2 years of age

Is this not a bit low?

Fuzz

P_Outen

#5
Hi Fuzzy, thats down to individual interpretation, i only used 2 as that was the figure in the blurb that got me to writing this.

As said it isnt for any particular purpose so people are free to change whatever they wish.

If i can ask, what age do you think would be more suitable? And do you do anything for children under that age? (This could probably become a post of its own, might create it later when im home)

Pete